"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

This post is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost.


I have a friend I met at college a few years ago.  She is a beautiful, confident and strong woman.  She knows her limits, and uses her strengths to bless and encourage others.  She never complains, but instead shares her blessings.   


She is the mother of a young son named Hayden. He is her life. Everything she does is for him and she treasures the fact that he is hers forever. 


Beka is different from most college students.  you wouldn't pick her out of a crowd, or be amazed at what she has accomplished.  She is just like the rest of us, except that Beka is a widow.  A young widow.  


Her and Hayden have been on their own now for over 3 years.  She has graduated with her bachelors and continues to set high goals for herself. She looks outward instead of inward and has become one of the most beautiful people I know.


I wonder how many nights she has cried herself to sleep, missed the warmth of her husband and longed to laugh with him.  I wonder how many times she has felt alone, not understanding God's perfect plan, and why it is so perfect to him but not to her.
  
I wonder how many moments she has stopped and remembered the way it felt to be taken care of instead of her taking care of everyone else.
  
Beka is one of my heros.  Of all the people I know, Beka is one that has loved and lost.

She is also the one that has lost all her love in the service of others. Her talents in art, languages, laughing, listening and encouraging have made her one of the most beautiful woman in the world.  Not just to me, but to everyone who sees her heart.

In a world where everyone wants to be loved and receive relationship advice, the best advice was given by Alfred Lord Tennyson.   


"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." 


Thank you Beka. May your life be filled with as much love as you give.

Should a guy always pay for a date?

You are on your first, second, third date.  


Who grabs the check? Does it matter who asked out who?  


Check out the video below and share your story with Anabelle at askanabellehere@gmail.com or comment below.


Who should pay for the date?  

Virgin Lips

Dear Anabelle, 


At 23 I have still not had my first kiss. As I have yet to find out what is wrong with me or all the boys around me, I have decided not to fret. The story which I would like to share with is, therefore, how I successfully avoided a miserable first. Before I begin, I wish to make it clear that I am not a guiltless victim of this date. 


I tend to be very trusting. I am grateful for the safety with which I have been blessed, even in my stupidity. As I was preparing to serve a mission, I was working two jobs in the mall. As I worked at one, a young man, "Joe," asked if I had a sister who worked at the local grocer. As my younger sister who looks a lot like me did work there, I assumed that he worked with her. Because of this assumption, I accepted when he invited me out on a date. He was nice & even offered me a ride home from work as I was getting off shortly. Before leaving the mall, I stopped by my other job to check the upcoming week's schedule. 


One of my co-workers looked uncomfortable and I asked her what was wrong. "My crazy ex-boyfriend just walked in." Looking around, I saw only Joe. I brushed it aside, knowing that she tended to be overly dramatic. He took me homee. Confession. Perhaps because of lack of experience, whenever I am confronted with any kind of undesired romantic stresses, I get tired. The conflict between not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings and making myself deal with guys in whom I am not interested simply wears me out. Therefore, upon arriving at home, I took a nap. When I awoke, my sister had gotten home from work and told everyone about how Joe had gone to the grocer and bought flowers for me. Without telling anyone, my entire family knew about my suitor. 


What was he like? Did I like him? Why had I accepted the date? Was I crazy? When he arrived, he introduced himself to my parents. My dad was not impressed by his baggy pants, tie and T-shirt combo, and three-inch tall mohawk, but we went on our way without much embarrassment. He took me through the Wendy's drive-thru and then to a scenic view of the city- make-out point. I was laughing at his transparency. 


He tried to sweep me off my feet with lines that I could have sworn I knew from my favorite romcoms. Now I became giggly at how suave he seemed to think he was. When more people showed up, he decided it would be better to go to a more private location. A smarter, more mature me would have said no, asked to go home, something! The me then was enjoying a funny show. At the new location, he serenaded me while playing the guitar. 


When I seemed sufficiently wooed, he ever so romantically asked, "Are you a virgin?" Confession: when things reach a certain level of absurdity, I become very detached. "Yes." "Oh, that's okay." "I know." "Have you ever kissed anyone?" "No." He leaned forward, "Kiss me." "No." "Oh. Why?" "I don't want to." I'm sure there are nicer ways to turn down a guy, but frankly, I didn't think he deserved the courtesy. "Ouch." Within five minutes he was complaining of stomach pains. I am inclined to think that he was just trying to get rid of me after discovering that he would get nowhere with me, except for the truly pained expression on his face. 


The whole way home, I sat with a simple prayer in my heart, "Heavenly Father, I really don't want Joe to hurt, but I'm glad I get to go home early." When I got home, my mom told me how my 16 year-old sister had first become acquainted with 22 year-old Joe. He had seen her at work and asked her out on a date. She said no. Love, Lonely Lips P.S. I did learn a lesson from this experience. When, shortly after getting home from my mission, I was asked out by a fifty year-old man talking about past experiences in jail, I, for the first time ever, declined a first date.

Ten Date Ideas

Sometimes dating becomes routine.

It is important to keep things in your relationship alive and fun.

One way to do so is by making one night a week a "date night."  Whether you are married, dating, engaged, dating around, or looking for some fun, a "date night" is the perfect way to keep yourself in tune with the opposite sex.

Write in and share your date ideas with Anabelle by emailing her at askanabellehere@gmail.com  or simply comment below!


10 Date Ideas

10.   Bowling

Bowling is an old-school date idea that everyone can participate in.  A great group date idea for those wanting to get some old friends together or to break the ice with a new interest.  Bowling alleys are found in almost every city and the low-stress environment gives everyone the chance to relax and be themselves.  Bowling is also a lot of fun - and fun is exactly what draws people together to spend more time together.


9.   Hiking


Getting some physical activity never hurt anyone.  Exploring the great outdoors can help you learn a lot about a person if this is your first date, and it also relieves stress and gives a couple time to slow down and listen to each other without the kids.


8.   Driving Range


The driving range is another outdoors activity that anyone can participate in.  You or your date doesn't have to be athletic to have a good time.  If your date isn't a great golfer, help her with her swing can be a great opportunity to get up close and personal.  If your date is competitive, make bets on who will win and have a little playful competition.

7.    

Make dessert or try a new recipe

Baking or cooking together gives the couple the chance to learn a lot about each other's interests, skills and personality.  It is a fun way to eat and also engage in real conversation you can't have if you are at the movies.  You also can enjoy something new together and see what you can create together.

6.   Explore your city


Pretend you are visiting your city for the first time. Are there unique restaurants? What is fun to see or participate in?  Maybe there is a festival or concert taking place. Some cities offer things only once a year.  Make an effort to learn of what makes your city a great place to visit and then do some exploring together.  Both of you will have fun exploring things and you will make memories.

5.  Scavenger Hunt


A fun and interactive date.  A scavenger hunt can be romantic or a fun date night idea. You can spice it up by making it into a theme or taking pictures along the way and later framing one and giving it as a reminder of the time you spent together.

4.  Bonfire


Get some friends together, or take a picnic for just the two of you. Snuggle together in a warm blanket and roast marshmallows, make tin foil dinners or just enjoy each other's company as you talk and relax under the stars.  See how many stars you can identify and share funny stories or reasons why you love each other.

3.  Concert


Whether it's your favorite band, or a local group visiting your city, it is nice to get out of the house and enjoy some music together.  There are many venues that allow interaction and dancing during the concert.  You never know, you might discover a new favorite together.  After the concert, stop by a local place and grab some grub.

2.  Service Project


There are a million things to do for others.  Family, friends or complete strangers. Visit the elderly, baby-sit your sister's kids, make a care package, do some gardening, make cookies and doorbell ditch them.  It is fun to get out of your comfort zone and do something for others. The time you spend together will help you feel gratitude for the good things in your life.

1.   Theme Night


Invite your friends over and have a theme night.  There are a lot of different themes you can choose from.  Drink night, game night, dessert night, culture night, dress up night.  Think of upcoming holidays or events that may make an interesting and different theme night.  Make sure there is food and drinks and the date night will be something everyone wants to have again.

PDA: good or bad

What was the most awkward PDA 
(Public Display of Affection) you saw? 


What is acceptable and how do you know when you have crossed the line?

Share your comments below so everyone can enjoy, or write in to askanabellehere@gmail.com and ask Anabelle a relationship question.

Love could be right in front of you

Dear Anabelle,

My dating/love life is a constant joke. I have many guy friends who tell me constantly how awesome, attractive, funny, interesting, smart and what an amazing catch I am. Yet not a single one will or would date me. They even tell me how absolutely astounded they are that I am still single. The problem I have is if I am all these qualities and more why am I single?

I will openly admit that I am insecure when it comes to dating, but am I really THAT big of a joke that no guy will even consider dating me?

faithfully yours,

dazed and confused

___________________________________

Dear dazed and confused,

I have no doubt that the friends who compliment you mean what they say. Sometimes guys and girls become such good friends with members of the opposite sex that they overlook the wonderful and prominent prospects standing right in front of them - in this case YOU. For whatever reason, we forego dating opportunities because we don't want to "ruin" the friendship, take a step "out of the friend barrier" or lose the person in our life.

The wise council of falling in love with your best friend still stands. It is much easier to spend your life laughing and enjoying the faithful companionship of someone you can trust, then looking for love in money, materialism and sometimes fun.

While these things have their pros, friendship is the endurer in life and will give you the most satisfaction with money, materialism and fun. The guys you are associating with are obviously noticing you, but are not seeing you as a dating prospect.

The best thing for a woman or man to do while waiting for love is to develop the qualities you are looking for in a future relationship. If you are looking for someone patient, be patient. If you are looking for someone kind, be kind to those around you.

When the time is right and the right person is mature enough to recognize you for the wonderful person you are, love will follow. In the meantime, continue to have fun and keep yourself involved. When the time is right, you will be ready and more appreciative for love because you have waited and earned it.

Love life the way you want to be loved.

Tried and truly yours,

Anabelle

The Coldest First Date

The Coldest First Date
By: Ashley Ruttan


When I first moved back to Lethbridge I lived in a house with seven other girls, it was crazy, but a lot of fun. We would have dinners and other get-togethers at our house all the time. At one particular get together one of our friends brought someone new. A really shy guy with curly black hair who just kind of sat in the corner and didn't really talk to anyone. 

Anyways a few days later I got a phone call and when I picked up the phone it was this shy kid asking me out on a date. Surprised because he never said a word at the party, let alone made eye contact with anyone. He worked at a movie theater in town and they were having a midnight screening of a couple movies for all the staff and they were allowed to bring another person. I said yes. He said great and told me he would come get me Friday night around 10:00pm.

So he shows up on our doorstep Friday night at ten as promised. We step outside into the cold night air of a winter night in Southern Alberta probably somewhere in the region of -25. We start walking when I realized we have been walking about a block and are not getting into a car, not really saying anything I continue walking parking was hard to find near our house maybe the car was just a little further. But no, it wasn't. We walked the whole way to the movie theater which to let you all in on was about 1.9 miles from my home. I tried to make the best of it asking him questions as we walked. He looked down at the sidewalk most of the time and just mumbled one word answers. I tried to keep a smile on my face even though I was sure I was going to lose an appendage of some sort to frostbite at any moment.

We arrived at the theater and just as my ears were starting to warm up so did he. He was talking to the people he worked with and laughing and smiling and introducing me. It took us an hour to get there so we had an hour to mix and mingle with the other people there Now it being a movie theater the majority of the people who worked there were fourteen to sixteen.He and I were 21. Awkward.

But he completely came out of his shell being in a place where he was comfortable which was awesome.Or so I thought. About a half an hour before the movie was about to start he asked me to follow him. We went down this narrow hall and up a flight of stairs into the projection room. Cool I thought as I looked around at the reels of film,the projectors, the couples making out. What the? Yep I had been brought to a teenage make-out party, and as I processed that thought I felt the hand on my shoulder. I recoiled and I began my escape . " Let's go get some sour patch kids!" I said as I booked it down the stairs.I really didn't know what to do. To show how old and Amish I am this was prior to me owning a cellphone. I was trapped at the theater, with no way to contact the outside world.

Now if the date wasn't awkward before it had now reached new heights. We sat down in one of the theaters and we were back to the no talking or eye contact. The movie began to play and I felt relieved. I remembered the scapegoat sour patch kids I had purchased and leaned over to grab them out of my bag. As I sat back again I felt his arm around me. Obliviously we had missed the huge awkward signal I had sent in the projection room. I excused myself to the washroom thinking he would get the hint. As I came back in the theater I sat down leaning away from him. But alas it seems he couldn't be detoured. Despite his inability to have a conversation with me it did not stop him from and awkwardly putting his hand on my shoulder. Lacking a lot of dating experience I didn't know how to maneuver out of this so there we sat like that for the rest of the movie.

The movie ended somewhere around 2 am, phew I made it the date was over! Oh wait no. As we waved to the sixteen year olds passing us in the parking lot we proceeded our walk home. Except this time he was was talking. He told me about how he had watched his cat give birth earlier in the week and how it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and cried while telling me. As I trudged through the snow I longed for the silence of the walk to the theater. Finally with my house in range I told him I could make it from here and that he didn't have to walk me to the door and without waiting for his reply I booked it to my house. 

True story. 

Are you just being nice?

Are you just being nice?


Do you give your number out "just to be nice?"


It sounds like that may have been the case with the attached video.  


I came across this a few years ago but just thought of it now.  Hope you enjoy it.  For those who are wondering - this is not the kind of guy girls are looking for!


write in and share your stories!  askanabellehere@gmail.com

His First Kiss

Dear Anabelle,

My first kiss seems pretty sketchy when I talk about, and you know what? It might be.

So, I summer was coming to an end and I just graduated from high school (yeah yeah I got my first a little late in the game). I was putting in my mission papers soon and kind of worried that I was going to leave with my virgin lips. I was on my way home when I got a call from my best friend (and crush at the time) who was staying at her aunt's house at the time.

"Hey, my aunt is gone for a couple of days, wanna come over tonight?"

Yeah, I know what this sounds like. Anyway, I trusted her, and the chance to spend time alone with a girl that I liked a lot seemed like those moments I live for.

So I get to her place around 9:30 and she's very excited to see me. Moreover, she's prepared strawberries with chocolate fondu. Yup, strawberries. And chocolate fondu. Now, if I had the knowledge I have now, I would have seen the signs, but in my mind I was saying "I love strawberries!"

After a while we went and rented Mr. and Mrs. Smith... HA! This is funny just typing it. She picked the movie, I had never seen it. Went back to her place and watched the movie. Didn't cuddle though... she probably would have had I made a move, but remember I never had luck with a girl before now.

Afterwards her and I just talked into the night until about 4 A.M. Driving home wasn't going to be such a good idea since I lived almost an hour away and I was tired, so she convinced me to stay in the guest room. Mind you, she'd stayed the night at my house before, so I figured what the heck.

And then it just happened, naturally, beautifully, awesomely. I kissed her and she kissed me. It was a little more than a peck, but not enough to be a prolonged kiss of 2 seconds.

I jumped up and down on the guest bed right after...hehe. Come on, you would too if you'd waited 19 years and finally got the kiss from the girl you always wanted to kiss.

Albeit I got, like, 4 hours of sleep, boy did I sleep well. You see, I had the opportunity to kiss other girls, but I was waiting for a memorable first, and I got it.

Love,
The Sketchy Kisser

Carmax Kiss

Great "FIRST KISS" stories turned in everyone!

The WINNER is Carmax Kiss. More stories are to come . . .

I had my first kiss when I was 14. That should be a red flag right there.

We had been "dating" (by dating I mean looking at each other awkwardly in public without acknowledging the other and then later holding hands under a blanket without saying a word) for two months.

Man, I thought it was love.

Also, my friends had all kissed boys, so I figured I was ready (another red flag).

The day it happened it was my friend Katie's birthday party and I had curled my hair in hopes of a smooch. I remember going to the party and we said hello to each other and at one point talked for a whole five minutes in front of other people. Sparks were flying!

All the couples decided to go on a "walk" together with the birthday girl and her man. My beau and I tagged along and at the end of the block when everyone turned right, we turned left. We talked about basketball and how he had just seen Coach Carter and then I talked about Black Eyes Peas even though I hated them. I just really wanted to sound cool, ok? He held my hand and my little heart fluttered. This was it! Curling my hair had paid off!

We walked up to some horses and started petting them. One snapped at me and for a moment I thought I was to be an amputee instead of a "kiss-ee". So frightened I let out my most terrified scream. Let me just say that this scream is not a delicate one. It was deep like a fog horn. I think I scared him by that more than I was scared of the horse. Luckily he looked past it and I could tell this was the moment. This was when I was finally going to be a woman!

I closed my eyes and puckered my lips as best as I could. I had just slathered on about a pound of lip chap on my lips so I was sure they were going to be soft. I waited for this life changing moment.

Finally it happened... and he missed. Half on my nose and half on my upper lip I got a big slobbery 0.1 second kiss. Good thing he got a little bit of my lip and was able to taste my lip chap. "caramex?" he asked.

I said yes. He made a disgusted face and replied, "I don't really like caramex..."

My life is so romantic.