Should I ask out a woman just because she is pretty?

Dear Anabelle,

I have recently become single and have noticed a lot of attractive women around campus that I would like to get to know a little better. Maybe even date a few of them.

After reflecting on my previous dating life, I've noticed that though I am great at connecting with a woman with whom I already have a relationship, I'm not so great at generating conversation out of thin air. Though my close friends would disagree, I can be quite shy around people I haven't built trust with previously.

I admit that a little shyness is natural, but I want to change up my game since other tactics I've tried have not really worked and this path seems to be the one that has worked best for my friends.

Is it appropriate to meet women just because I think they're pretty? How should I go about approaching women that I don't know yet?

-Befuddled and alone

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Dear Befuddled and alone,

There is wisdom in "changing up your game" and looking to the success of others, however you should make sure you are comfortable in your approach to dating. What works for some may not work for you. With that being said, change might be just what you are needing right now.

If you feel comfortable in approaching pretty woman in hopes of a friendship or relationship, start scoping out your future prospects. It is flattering to a woman to find out (later on) a guy approached her because he thought she was pretty. If the woman tells you otherwise, she is lying. All women want to feel beautiful.

One of the most important things to consider when choosing a mate is attraction. Men and women are different. Understanding these differences between the sexes can be complicated. But here is one difference you already know. Men see a pretty girl and she is entered into the "possibility" category. They see a girl they are not physically attracted to and think, "just friends."  

When a woman sees an attractive guy, she thinks of other things which sometimes sends the guy running in the other direction. A woman wants a guy that is handsome, kind, listens, makes her laugh and makes her feel like the most important person in the world.

Both sexes want to be with someone they are attracted to, but attraction can encompass much more than physical appearance.

There is nothing wrong with you asking a woman out because you think she is pretty.

Just remember that pretty isn't everything on the list of reasons of attraction. Having maturity, talents, knowledge, passion, kindness, loyalty and respect makes a woman far more attractive than her body or her face.

You need to be attracted to the woman you date or your relationship with suffer.

Be fair. Not everyone is a tall, drop dead gorgeous super model. In my experience most of those are not the kind of woman you want to share your life with. Find a woman you think is beautiful and continue to add reasons why she is "your drop dead gorgeous." By doing this, you will find the pretty girl and keep her too.


Tried and truly yours,
Anabelle

Do We Have a Spark?

Dear Anabelle,

Last summer a couple friends said that I should start talking to one of their guy friends. So we became friends on Facebook, started to text and get to know each other. I enjoyed talking to him, flirting with him. We had a lot in common. Our mutual friend said that he would like to give a relationship a shot. I wanted to become friends first.

When we first started talking, I lived out of state. We finally met the following summer at our friend’s wedding. When we met, during that time in my life I was beyond exhausted mentally. My mind wasn't really there. After I left to go back home, his texts slowly dwindled to once a day then once a week. I called him out on it. He said he didn't know if we clicked and he didn't want me to think he was all in.

We hung out again in September. The day we hung out I was sick and there was a huge group of people I didn't know. I don't do well in large groups of people. It didn’t go well. He has barely contacted me. I'll get a "How are you text?" and then nothing. If I text him he hardly ever responds. We saw each other on New Year’s Eve. Things seemed to be going well, but I haven't heard from him since.

I don't know if there is a spark there or not. I honestly don't even know how to tell because I haven't allowed very many guys into my life. I love hanging out with him, but when we hang out or talk it has to be on his terms. It's making me mad and he does give a lot of mixed signals. I don't allow myself to trust many guys due to certain circumstances in my life. I had come to trust him and wanted to at least give a relationship a shot, but I don't want to if he's going to play games. A friend says he is still interested and another one says I shouldn’t talk to him. I have no idea what to do! Help!!

Sincerely,

Confused and at a Loss

Dear At a Loss,

Blind dates and set-ups are tricky. Often upon first meeting, one is interested and the other is not. Then a few months later, it switches. You have now come to know this young man and are interested. He seems not to be at all. Guys are not prone to playing games. That is more often a fault of the female sex.

Even though you seem to have hopes set high on this young man, I believe it is time for you to move on. If there were a real spark, you’d be seeing a lot more of him. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault. There was a lot of bad timing and unfortunate circumstances for the two of you. You just didn’t (like he said) “click.” It is disappointing when that happens, but keep up your hopes. The one who will spark things is out there.

Tried and Truly Yours,

Anabelle

Is she into me?

Dear Anabelle,


How does a guy know if a girl is really into him or just want to be friends?




Dear Confused,


Girls are confusing. Period. Unfortunately for you this means sometimes being confused at the will of your feminine counterpart.  The best way to know if a girl is interested in you is by acting like you are interested in her.   


Putting yourself out on the line is scary, but it is the best and only mature way to find out if she feels the same way.  You may get a few rejections, but I can promise that one day the rejections will stop and you'll be happily spending time with the love of your life. 


Don't waste time on girls that give you the run around. If you have to ask her best friend or roommates if she is interested in you it's time to start looking elsewhere.


You want a woman - someone who won't be afraid to show you how she feels.  


Tried and truly yours, 


Anabelle

Embarrassing Story of the week winner

Dearest Anabelle,

I have a thousand stories I could tell, but I don't want to incriminate too many of the offenders before they've had a chance to marry themselves off. There does happen to be one story that I feel needs to be shared with the world, so that it can hopefully be avoided.

Once upon a time, I was set up on a date. I felt that I could trust the friend who set me up, and so I went ahead and said 'yes' to this mystery boy who had asked me out. He came to my door the next night and I was surprised to find that he was actually quite attractive.

He was incredibly affectionate upon first meeting, and I thought it was just because he was relieved to see that my looks didn't closely resemble that of the bearded lady. We went out to dinner and enjoyed our time together. I noticed that his affections continued and all throughout dinner he kept his hand on my leg. He wanted the date to continue, so we drove out to find a certain trail that we could climb.

As the dark drew closer and our drive into the middle of the desert left little road for us to drive on, he stated that he needed to use the restroom and that we would have to find one. After a grueling 1 minute of realizing that the nearest bathroom was at least fifteen miles from where we had come, he stopped the car in the middle of the road, pulled down his pants.

Yes, PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS. DOWN. PANTS DOWN. And he peed.

He got back into the car, smiled and affectionately grabbed my hand. "How sweet," I thought, "he wants me to ralph all over him." Needless to say, the date ended with less affection and my first honest 'no' to a request for a second date. I already knew more about him that I had planned.

And that, was MY most embarrassing date. Sadly, it didn't embarrass my date at all. He still calls, and I still ignore him.

Falling in LOVE

Falling in love and having 

a relationship are 

two different things.

                                                             
                                                                  - Keanu Reeves


  
  What do you think?  Do you agree?
      Leave a comment, share a story or write in to askanabellehere@gmail.com 

Thousands of Miles

Dear Anabelle,

I've never had luck in relationships because the guys I always end up dating end up being jerks. I finally found a really good guy but he moved recently (right after we started talking and spending time together) and is now thousands of miles away from me on the other side of the country. He really likes me but knows he can't ask anything of me. We won't be living in the same place again for 8 more months. We talk everyday, and he is the sweetest guy I've ever met. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Thousands of miles apart

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Dear Miles Apart,

Whether it is a budding romance or strong and steady, every relationship at some point or another will be long distance. You are not alone in this venture. Many have made long distance work. This is a trial of true devotion.

These 8 months apart can be a time of learning about one another. Get to know each other’s goals, dreams, pet peeves, passions—everything that makes a person who they are. This is an opportunity to create a strong and lasting friendship with no strings attached. The pressure is gone with the chance to know each other deeply at your fingertips. Take advantage of the time apart. By the time you see each other again, you will have already created a bond that most relationships don’t have. Continue to show that you are there for him and that you care about him beyond the physical attraction and closeness.

Tried and truly yours,

Anabelle

An Educated Woman is a Desirable Woman

Dear Anabelle,

I am an educated woman, have lived abroad, love reading, and constantly strive to improve myself. Unfortunately, guys have described me as "intimidating," "scary," or just plain "too good for [them]." Am I doomed to a life alone, or should I start playing dumb just to get asked out?

Sincerely,

A Modern Woman Who Still Wants a Traditional Relationship

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Dear Modern Woman,

You very well may be “too good for them,” but don’t you want the right kind of man to work hard for what he gets? You are accomplished, cultured, and lovely, I’m sure. Playing dumb would attract the young men who aren’t willing to take risks or have a little courage. To match your sophistication, you need a man who would cherish your accomplishments.

Be patient. Heaven knows how hard that is, but it certainly is worth it. Continue to cultivate your talents, and be involved in groups, activities, and explore new hobbies. Who knows, you may find that special young man while taking an evening pottery class. You have much to offer. You are not doomed in any way, shape or form. If anything, you are becoming the woman every man dreams of.

Tried and truly yours,

Anabelle

STORY OF THE WEEK

This story involves a boy, a first date, and a bowling ball. Put those together and what do I get? Complete and utter humiliation.

I love and hate bowling. I’m just straight up not good at any kind of sport (can you really categorize bowling as a sport? Hmmmm), but bowling—sometimes I think I could say I’m pretty darn good, but other times, I wouldn’t want anyone to know I even attempt the wretched game. Usually, when asked, I turn down the opportunity to bowl. I never know if it’s going to be an on-day or an off-day for me. I gotta keep up my good reputation, you know. Well, one time I went bowling. And this is how it went down:

I liked a boy and he liked me, but we weren’t quite at that stage when we were going to say how we feel. It was all very new to me. In fact, I thought this young fellow strongly disliked me. So when he asked for my number after months of teasing and disapproving glances, I was quite surprised. I’m not sure what number date it was when we decided to go bowling, but I do know it was still early on in figuring the situation out. We went with a few of his friends. That’s already humiliating enough! Do you know what I mean? You’re on a date with a guy, you’re in a new environment trying to see where you fit in, and then along come his friends. That always seems to make things worse. Especially when his friends are definitely not the kind of friends you would be found with. Not necessarily because they’re bad or anything, but rather they just aren’t your cup of tea. Now, instead of just having to try and impress your date, you’ve got to impress the friends too so that they can give your date a good honest opinion of you after you’re home safe in bed rerunning the evening’s events through your head. That can definitely make things awkward.

So, there I was at a bowling alley with my unreliable record of bowls, a boy I was trying to impress, and his little group of friends. The night was already starting out bad. I remained optimistic though, and determined to have a good time. My date bowled and he bowled well. Great. I got up and bowled. I bowled not so well. Great, again. My date started giving me bowling tips and I did my best to try and do exactly what he said. I wasn’t leaving that alley without showing some grit! Unfortunately, I have a bad track record of trying to impress. I finally got up there, arm thrown full back for a great swing straight down the middle of the lane. I was completely tense with emotion and the greasy ball was getting heavy in my hand. As I threw up that arm, all of the sudden that blasted ball flew and boy, did it fly. It didn’t fly forward, though. It flew straight out to my RIGHT, across my lane and right over to the lane next to mine just in time as a bowler got up to throw the perfect bowl, tripping over my own ball, and losing balance! I yelped. Yep. YELPED. I couldn’t believe what I had just done! Not only was that embarrassing, it was just plain stupid. Gone went that good impression for the boy AND the friends.

I don’t remember how the rest of the night went, but I do remember replaying that horrid display of incoordination in my mind over and over. I can tell you, though, I did have another date with that young man. In fact, it was the start of a long and delightful friendship. I suppose my stupidity doesn’t always turn out for the worse. But I bet nobody could top a more embarrassing game of bowling! I dare you to try.

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I will be featuring a dating story once a week. Please feel free to submit your story and share it! Next week's topic is "Most Embarrassing Date." Submit entries to: askanabellehere@gmail.com. Looking forward to your exciting stories!